Steam Summer Sale Day 03 - Two Sentence Review Guide

So, I spent the last 48 hours in an amazing little cabin on the outskirts of Rauma in Finland. No internet, no running water and a little electricity, so I made the best of my time, making fires, drinking cider and being a man. I returned to civilisation to find that not much had changed. Clocks still went clockwise and Steam was still having a large sale on cheap games, so let's get into the front page of Day 3. Standard review style, two sentences, humourous caption with image maybe something snarky. Also remember, I'm in a different region, so prices may vary slightly.

Also I come from a different time.

First to start with the community chosen sale item, LA Noire. 1950's Los Angeles where you play as a cop picking up clues left by killers and rapists. Don't bother driving in the city, just enjoy the stunning graphics and having Phelps freak out any time you doubt someone.
9 running perps out of 10
Price: $7.50

Who took the last fucking teabag of Earl Grey?

Now with the Front Page titles.
Borderlands GOTY. This FPS RPG is one of those rare games that you'll find putting in several hours into despite the simple premise. Traverse the wasteland, gain XP, get psyched for the sequel and if you've got some friends, have the time of your life.
10 screaming psychos out of 10.
Price: $7.50

You will never get tired of headshotting these things...ever

DIRT Showdown. The DIRT series, other than Burnout, is one of the only revolutions in the car racing genre. Showdown brings the destruction derby style of racing to the forefront, which may not be for everyone, but you'll enjoy the carnage as you progress through this game.
8 burning tires out of 10
Price: $19.99

I think this picture needs more sparks...

Dead Island. Finally bringing a unique setting with the zombie genre, Dead Island poses the question, what if we gave everyone an emotional trailer then stripped most of that out of the game? If you go into the game with no real expectations you'll have a hell of a time, otherwise, just wait for Project Zomboid.
8 Feminist Whores out of 10.
Price: $10.19

Damn, if I could only ask someone about what a good ax pun would be...

Two Worlds: A beautiful game that sadly didn't get a good run for it's money back in the day. Made even worse by an atrocious 360 port, Two Worlds is a good cheap PC RPG that I think most can enjoy, with some great combat, interesting story and enough customisation to keep you coming back.
1 out of 2 Worlds
Price: $6.24

This is why I don't go jogging in the park any more...

Indie Bundle III: A great mix of platforming madness with the stunning Braid, the musically sweet Bit Trip Beat, the youthful fun of Bunch of Heroes, the insanely twisted Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet and finally, the undersold, Runespell: Overture. A good blend of co-op and multiplayer games, with enough varied gameplay to have you playing for hours.
8 sighs from Jonathan Blow out of 10
Price: $9.99

And the winner of most distinguishable silhouette of an Indie Develoepr is....

Frozen Synapse: Imagine James Bond as a timed strategy game, but without the sexy women or snarky gadget guy? Frozen Synapse is a great time-based puzzle title that creates some genuinely suspenseful and satisfying levels.
9 guys to watch out for out of 10
Price: $4.60

I know this looks difficult now, but I bet you can pick it up in 20 minutes or less.

Orcs Must Die: An incredibly fun tower defense game with orcs, that must die. With enough interesting traps, varied enemies, a great sense of humour and cool levels, Orcs Must Die is a rarity on par wit Plants vs. Zombies that cannot be missed.
10 Orcs stuck with spikes out of 10
Price: $3.50

There is so much fun here, I can't begin to describe it.

Tropico 4 Special Steam Edition: You are El Presidente. Ruin everything, establish trade agreements, build military conspiracies, collect money, try not to get assassinated and enjoy your tropical island.
10 secret assassinations out of 10
Price: $7.50

Who knew a dictatorship could look so wonderful?

Skyrim: I was going to write two sentences for this review but then I made a lame joke. I'm not a big fan of RPG's, let alone medieval/fantasy games, but Skyrim won me over and never stopped with the amount of excitement or exploration it gave me.
9 village-burning dragons out of 10
Price: $24.99

Don't worry, they fixed this.

Flash Sales, which will no doubt change by the time this review goes live.
Theatre of War: Theatre of War contains no stages, no written plays, no good actors and no props, I would give this game a bad review, but it does have war in it. This carefully crafted strategy title mixes several historical wars to make sure you don't ever go repeating yourself.
8 what is it good for's out of Nothing!
Price: $11.50

Hey, do you guys wanna stop for McDonalds later?

Civilization V: Build civilisation, try to keep alive, advance science, destroy other nations, try to establish peace, destroy other nations, rinse and repeat. Civilization never fails to amaze me about how fun and interesting they can make the game, especially when they add some of histories greatest figures into the game for good measure.
9 historical inaccuracies out of 10
Price: $24.99

Whoops...

Batman: Arkham City: Be Batman. You are Batman.
9 Goddamn Batman's out of 10
Price: $22.49

...he's the goddamn Batman.

Painkiller Complete Pack: One of the most forgotten and yet interesting First Person Shooter titles of the new millenium. A lot of modding potential, expansion packs and a lot of fun to be had with this hell of a good time.
9 Panadol Rapids out of 10
Price: $7.50

Well, hell...

Now with a few of the other Packs on sale.
Sega Hit Collection: Every single game here is a hit from the classic game makers, Sega. Everything from Alex the Kidd, all the way up to all of the Total War games, this is a must-have even for people who aren't fans of their old consoles.
10 Dreamcasts out of 10
Price: $49.99

Amazing Sawnik by Erica Perez.

Rockstar Hit Collection: Completely negating the Grand Theft Auto Pack, Rockstar sticks with it's most recent hits, like the abysmal GTAIV, the actually fun Episodes from Liberty City, previously stated LA Noire and the hard bastard Max Payne 3. A lot more fun could have been fun had here but for the pricing, you could do a lot worse.
8 screaming pedestrians out of 10
Price: $49.99

Hey! Cheer up. A lot of people played your game.

TellTale Collection: The classic point and click storytellers give it their all with Jurassic Park, Back to the Future, Puzzle Agent, The Walking Dead and Tales from Monkey Island. While there are a few great games missing, it's a lot of fun to be had with these classic IP's.
9 fixed reviews out of 11
Price: $49.99

Why haven't dinosaurs been the new thing to throw into every game. Worked for zombies.

At the time of writing, Quantum Conundrum is up for community choice and I highly recommend people vote for it. You may see more writings tomorrow, but I will be without internet between Monday night and Tuesday afternoon. Happy Purchasing!