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| Woo Gabe Newell! |
So I thought I would do two sentence review for everything on the front page. Sadly, I may be away this weekend and thought I might as well do as much as I can. I will simply be writing what I think, followed by a score, which will be consistently inconsistent.
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| About as much sense as this... |
Terraria: Minecraft, this is not. Resource building, side-scrolling fun based around a charming an old school art style.
9 exceedingly outrageous stories out of 10.
Price: $2.50
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| My bed may not be a racecar, but my underground lair is pretty sweet. |
Total War: Shogun 2: Ever wanted to rule a nation from the comfortable vantage point of, anywhere on the battle field? Total War expansion Shogun 2 provides the necessary micromanagement and historical battles that we've all come to love from the highly historical Total War franchise.
9 rapes and pillages out of 10.
Price: $10
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| We claim this land for the Dude's who love standing around. THE LOITERERS WILL RULE THIS WORLD! |
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3: Everything is bad. Go sort it out.
3 headshots out of 10 Modern Warfares.
Price: $30, you could donate to charity.
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| Nope, nothing bad is gonna happen here... |
Crusader Kings II: Paradox Interactive is what Valve would be if they were a tiny indie company who made amazing games. Crusader Kings II has a Game of Thrones mod where you fight out who owns the land, I don't need to say any more.
9 Modded medieval acts of incest out of 10.
Price: $10
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| It's like history and begating but you know, interesting. |
Portal II: This is a triumph. It's five dollars, you have no good excuses.
10 PORTALS OUT OF 01
Price: $5
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| This is Stephen Merchant in a small ball. He is the only other reason why you need to play this game. |
Legend of Grimrock: You hate spiders, you'd hate them gigantic, but you love destorying them? This is a first person, puzzle, dungeon crawler and is intensely awesome full of "NOPE!" moments.
9 GET THE SHOEBOXES OUT OF 10.
Price: $5.60
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| NOPE! |
Ridge Racer Unbounded. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDGE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACER is a really old meme and I haven't really heard anything bad about it. I think there are better racers out there, but if you're a fan of the series, you could do worse.
7 outdated memes out of 10.
Price: $25, you could probably go spend on Split/Second.
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| Okay, that does look really sweet. |
Might and Magic Heroes VI: If you enjoy fighting in a fantasy world and feeling mighty doing it, you will probably enjoy this title. I honestly have no idea what this series is about and a quick Wikipedia search comes up with a bit, but not enough to say Go get it!
8 confused wizards out of 10
Price: $14.99
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| That looks super badass. |
Quick sales, which will probably be gone by the time anyone really reads this.
Rayman Origins: You will never see a happier and fun game in your entire life. Rayman Origins is the video game equivalent of The Muppets movie from last year.
9 Lalalalalalala's out of 10
Price: $15
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| It is literally, hard to say anything bad about this game. |
Space Chem: This game is for the people who think Dwarf Fortress is just too easy. Space Chem is a game I can only imagine how Chemists get their kicks when they're not making meth or doing real work.
8...ummm, dude what the fuck do I do here, out of 10.
Price: $2.50
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| Seriously, what the fuck is happening here? |
Deus Ex Human Revolution: It's the future, it's a slightly bit better than Deus Ex and a lot to do. It's a game filled with enough to keep you coming back and even though the shooting is pretty generic, the story and characters are enough.
9 cool tinted sunglasses out of 10.
Price: $7.50
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| I already told you, I'm not Batman! |
Mafia II: There are Playboy covers to collect. The gameplay is better than the original and a lot of American early 20th Century fun to be had too.
8 women you will never touch out of 10.
Price: $7.50
ARMA II: Combined Operations. You know that Day-Z you keep hearing about? Pay $20 and enjoy yourself, now!
9 DUDE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE out of 10
Price: $20
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| I'm sorry, Bob. Ed sends his regards |
Packs, which completionists and people who just joined Steam will get.
Valve Complete: If you have not played more than three games on here, you may not be a gamer or have a serious trauma to the forehead. Almost every game is a winner here and I can't really argue with the price, because it's just a number and it doesn't speak.
10 "I'm Gabe Newell" out of 10.
Price: $44.99
id Super Pack: Do you remember the 90's? id Software were pretty good, then they weren't, but here you can still play their games.
7 "...and then he was a zombie" out of 10
$46.49
Star Wars Collection: I know the recent Star Wars games, movies and TV series aren't that good, but I promise they used to be really good. Almost worth it just for the Jedi Knight and Old Republic games.
8 "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"'s out of 10.
Price: $44.99
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| ...this game isn't included. It is from the 90's. How cool does it look? |
9 Fun's out of 10
Price: $49.99
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| Worth every dollar. |
And so that's what I think of the current front page I see on Steam. The prices and games might be different from you from where you are. For example, there is one game I can't see because it's "Not Available in [my] region", I guess Finland really doesn't like one particular game. Still, I hope this friendly guide helps you. New post will probably will be up in about 7-12 hours.
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| ...because I have better things to do. |
I think it's a great idea they have sales that you can vote for on the side of the page, I know I will be voting for just because I think it's a game everyone should play from last year. I won't tell you which one it is, but I'll give you a hint: It's the medieval one where Batman shoots a bunch dudes with a shark gun.
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| I regret nothing! |
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