AUTUMN SALE: DAY ONE – THE TWO SENTENCE REVIEW

AUTUMN SALE: DAY ONE – THE TWO SENTENCE REVIEW

As you may recall earlier this year, I did the Steam Sale during Summer while I was in Finland. Well, I'm home now and ready to roll out with the leaves falling and the birds rugging up for the American winter, so here are some of the highlights from Day One of the Steam Sale. All the prices cited are for Australian regions, so some prices may vary but the two-sentence reviews.

Front Page Deals

Steam's Front Page is like a present. Every time you open it, you get excited to see what's inside. Even if it's a pair of socks, you can rip those socks apart and wear them around your wrists and pretend to be a sock commander. The first game of today's Front Page is better than being a sock commander.

XCOM: Enemy Unknown

Classic sci-fi revisionist turn-based strategy with RPG elements could not be more awesome and worth it. Play as government scientists killing aliens who descend to the earth and want your women and something about resources and conspiracy.

9 lady loving aliens out of 10

Price: $46.89

Hey, where all the earth women at?

Steam Summer Sale Day 06 - Two Sentence Review Guide

I finally made it to Turkey this evening and found a lovely bit of internet that I can use to my heart's content. Speaking of content, more games are on sale and today's haul is pretty awesome.

Okay...maybe not that awesome.

Front Page Deals:
War Game European Escalation: Finally a game based around the high prices of escalator production companies and the war they waged on high prices. European Escalation is a unique strategy game with a large arsenal of missions and weaponry, I doubt you'll get bored.
9 tiger tanks out of 10
Price: $20.00

I cannot believe they deleted this scene from Die Hard 2

Steam Summer Sale - Day 05 Two Sentence Review Guide

So I checked into the hotel next to the airport near Helsinki and have found the Wi-Fi to be quite poor, so today's post will be a lot shorter and possibly less funny. Overnight there were some great deals on Fallout New Vegas but it's gone a little bit higher to $23.99. As stated on every post, the prices may vary due to regional difference, but my thoughts about them are all the same.

The thought being: Ben Croshaw is better at being humourously mean than I am

Front Page Deals:
Metro 2033: A game that deals with the very realistic fear of public transportation in a crowded future? This post-apocalyptic world sim is quite atmospheric, but I'd wait until the sequel, Metro Last Light to be released, or just pay a little more and get S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
7 Giger Counters out of 10.
Price: $2.49

Come for the radioactive fallout, stay for the mutation.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations or the other AssCreed games: Go here, kill this, mention historical reference and then remember you're in a simulator. This historical learn'em up is quite popular and it's easy to see why; people like the word ass.
7 popular franchises out of 10
Price: $13.59

Ancient Heimlich maneuver, GO!

Indie Bundle V: Whether you're traversing your music in Audiosurf, traversing the galaxy of Gemini Rue, destroying the earth in Greed Corp, the narratively sound Tiny Bang Story and the mispronunciation of Ys, you're bound to have a great time with this bundle. Audiosurf is the clear winner here, just for replayability, but the rest are equally fun and will give you plenty of time when you're not playing Audiosurf.
5 out of 5 games in an indie bundle
Price: $9.99

This is how Rush used to compose music

Age of Empires III: An amazing series really hit a high point when they added the incremental value of the previous title. With a great interface, amazing graphics and the same old gameplay, Age of Empires III will surely delight people who liked Age of Empires II.
3 out of 3 Age of Empires
Price: $9.24

Knight of the Old Republic: Sadly, this game doesn't have a Han Solo dancing, but it does have a good storyline, fun gameplay and an enjoyable experience. Knights of the Old Republic may have been the last good Star Wars game and hopefully it doesn't stay that way.
9 "I hate you"'s out of 10
Price: $2.24

Men of War and Men of War:Vietnam : I think this game is like, completely sexist, because there were like women in war as well and it's a shame they don't get shown here, like seriously. Men of War is a great strategy game, if you're a guy or whatever, but women might want to try somewhere else.
8 Feminist pigs out of 10
Price: $7.49

Dear Esther:
Dear Steam,
This was originally a Half Life 2 mod, then Indie Fund game it some money and now it's an indie hit.
Signed,
A pretty good storyline with some mixed gameplay.
9 bills out of 10 letters.
Price: $1.99

Iron Front: Liberation 1944: Even though the war lasted an extra year, Iron Front wanted to just tell you about the people who were liberated a year before. Between some interesting strategic gameplay and your usual war story, is a lot of fun to be had here, even without a metal codpiece.
8 iron wool's out of 10
Price: $19.99

RAGE: You might.
6 failed projects out of 10
Price: $16.99

Packs
Activision Hits Pack: A blur between the gun and the prototype, some packs rise above the call of duty and the singularity of the entire collection transforms into something amazing. TimeShift and Vampire Bloodlines are good too.
3 good games out of 10
Price: $49.99

Kalypso Pack: Tropico 3 and 5 are the real reason why  you know about Kalypso Games, but did you know they have other games? I haven't played them but they're bound to be pretty good, right?
8 clueless reviewers out of 10
Price: $49.99

Bethesda Pack: New Vegas and Skyrim, that's all you need to know. I mean, there are a few awesome DLC packs and Brink, but you know, New Vegas and Skyrim.
9 DLC packs out of 10
Price $49.99

Flash Sales:
F.E.A.R series: Somewhere between the jump scares and the sci-fi fan fiction, F.E.A.R was a good game. Sadly, two sequels, good graphics and a lot of mediocrity haven't saved it either; go play Amnesia.
5 "Did you see that's" out of 10
Price: $4.99

Cave Story: An unending series of caves, a cute story and some amazing graphics save this indie title from being just your run of the mill platformer. Cave Story is an underrated jewel in the indie crown and at this price, it's hard to pass up.
10 awwww's out of 10.
Price: $2.49

Fable III: If you love undelivered promises and mucking around in a medieval village, then Fable III is up your alley. Between poor game design choices and a stunning voice cast, Fable is like a sultry, gorgeous sounding phone sex worker who doesn't know how to have phone sex.
5 Peter Molyneux brains out of 10
Price: $9.99

Oh and the Community Choice was Red Faction Guerrilla or Mars Terrorist Simulator 3000. The game is so much explosive fun, that if you don't already own the THQ Collection, this is a must buy.

I will probably add pictures later because I have to catch a flight in less than 12 hours, but thank you, every single one, who read this. Share it around, I hope you can have a laugh and enjoy some games.

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Steam Summer Sale Day 04 - Two Sentence Review Guide

Well, it looks like the new day has dawned and that the sun still shines gracefully on the houses of the world's gamers. Of course, they'll probably never experience that sun, unless they have a summer job and have to venture out into the world and feel the sweat of a good day's work on their brow. I salute you brave ladies and gents who are working for your weekend, while I spend the last few days of my holiday organising a trip between Tampere and Helsinki. Now, let's see what Steam hath in store for us. Again, I think it goes without saying, prices may vary due to regional difference.

Regional Difference, like how Finland depicts their historical wars.

Now we have the front page deals starting with some great 2012 releases at amazing prices.
Trine 2: Try and try again, Trine has shown to be a truly interesting game that you can just revel in it's background and level design. The game's elemental gameplay creates a wide array of useful puzzles that outshine the usual platforming adventure and make for a truly magical experience.
9 fiery puzzles out of 10
Price: $3.24 (Collector's Edition: $4.99)

Hot damn! Dat art!

The Waking Dead: Based on the incredibly frustrating TV series and amazing graphic novel, The Walking Dead is more story zombie-based rather than your usual "aim for the head" malarky. The game sets an even pace of great action sequences, good storytelling and point and click gameplay from Telltale; must buy for fans.
9 lurching creatures out of 10.
Price: $14.99

Zombies in a video game? What an absurd notion!

Cities XL 2012: Based on the series Cities XXL, this game has been sized down from the super-computer port, which was clearly the better of the two. Cities XL is like Sim City, if you got bored of playing Sim City 3000 and then went on to actually play a good city building game.
9 "Why did you put that there's" out of 10
Price: $9.99

Scenery Porn to your heart's content...all made by you!

Indie Bundle IV: With every new day, a new indie bundle and this one does not disappoint at all with each game. The windswept visuals and gameplay of Valley without Wind, the careful planning and smashing gameplay of Atom Zombie Smasher, the sidescroller mattering of The Blocks That Matter, the sanctimonious  and strategy of Sanctum and finally, the magically musical of Superbrothers: Sword and Sorcery EP.
9 carefully placed blocks out of 10
Price $9.99

Choosing who lives and who dies...to a sweet surfer soundtrack.

Mount and Blade Collection: If you love mounting things or sharp objects, this is the collection for you. Between taking the swords and experience of your fallen enemies or catching the next ride to the kingdom, Mount and Blade is ready for your purchasing.
9 mounted horses with blades for hooves out of 10
Price: $8.74

This is the last time I do a flash mob!

Serious Sam 3: There is no more serious fun to be had than with Serious Sam 3. Whilst some of the more previous incarnations are more ridiculous, Sam's exploits here are always tongue-in-cheek and ready to mock the current generation of gaming; no one is safe, not even you.
9 Serious Faces out of 10
Price: $9.99

Gigantic pink scorpion: Not included in legit version.

Darkness II: Jackie Estacado is back for dark revenge in this dark sequel to the dark game based on the dark comic book series by dark comic publishers Top Cow. The game has some truly gory, fun and a great tragic narrative that will keep you entertained, probably just as much as the original.
9 Simple Plan CD's out of 10
Price: $12.49

Guys...it's getting crowded in here.

Hitman: Blood Money: In the popular series based around a balding man who's had too much fun in his life named Agent 47, you take out people in either really cool or boring ways. Setting traps in people's soups or simply walking into a market and snapping someone's neck, it's your choice on how you want people to die, regardless of the overarching storyline.
9 piano wires out of 10.
Price: $2.49

Who was I meant to kill again?

Saints Row the Third:  Do everything. Have Fun.
10 naked women firing shark guns into rooftop crowds out of 10.
Price: $7.49

Careful, they're furries!

Now for the usual flash sales that will probably be a lot more expensive by the time this goes live
Magicka: One of the most fun "Diablo-like" games that won't take a lot of your money and leave you sad and poorer, like Diablo 3. Magicka has a wicked sense of humour and some expansion packs I highly suggest you get, especially the one about Vietnam.
10 screaming elves out of 10
Price: $2.49 (Collectors Edition: $7.50)

Yeah, it's just that awesome.

QUBE: If you're looking for a puzzle game with some great ambient music and a cool way to play, you could buy Portal or Portal 2 and turn the voices and subtitles off, but QUBE is great too. QUBE is a genuinely amazing game and one of the great games funded by Indie Fund and deservedly so.
9 weird hands moving balls out of 10.
Price: $3.49

Seriously, bro, stop touching my balls with your weird hands.

Microsoft Flight Collection: Buy expansion packs, fly around. The original game is free-to-play but the expansion packs including flying over Hawaii and Alaska in a P-40...whatever that is.
8 planes, not crashing out of 10
Price: $15.63

Holy fuck, that reminds me! I have to catch two planes this week.

Killing Floor: If you're think Left 4 Dead sounds too American and isn't scary enough, Killing Floor is here to save the day. With a truly industrial and gory feel to it, Killing Floor is the co-op horror game for fans of Clive Barker or Slipknot.
9 WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT out of 10
Price: $4.49 (Collection: $6.24)

WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK?!

And now for some expensive Packs that you're more than likely get and only play a few games from.
The THQ Pack: Holy crap, there is a lot here. Everything from the confronting S.T.A.L.K.E.R, the strong strategy of Company of Heroes and the unfathomable fun of Saints Row the Third; go for it!
9 really good games out of 10.
Price: $49.99

Why not Zoidberg?

The Ubisoft Collection: Between some indie classics and some amazing new IP's, Ubisoft has proven time and time again that creativity is their strong suit. With the insanely fun, From Dust, the incredibly popular Assassin's Creed, the relatively stupid but awesome Driver San Francisco, there is so much to enjoy here for the price of just one game.
9 French guys out of 10.
Price: $49.99

See that lava? You control....all of that!

The Squenix Collection: Despite the fact you can play Final Fantasy III on your Android for just under $20, Square Enix still has some awesome games to try out on Steam that aren't RPG's. Quantum Conundrum, Just Cause 2 and Thief are all here and worth the price of admission, not to mention the Tomb Raider titles, because they're not worth mentioning.
9 exploding planes crashing into helicopters out of 10
Price: $49.99

Just Cause 2: This all the time, plus grappling hook. It's like being Batman on a tropical island.

So I hope you're all enjoying the sale, I actually spent all my money on this current trip and will need a real job when I get back, but hey there will always been Steam Summer Sales.




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Steam Summer Sale Day 03 - Two Sentence Review Guide

So, I spent the last 48 hours in an amazing little cabin on the outskirts of Rauma in Finland. No internet, no running water and a little electricity, so I made the best of my time, making fires, drinking cider and being a man. I returned to civilisation to find that not much had changed. Clocks still went clockwise and Steam was still having a large sale on cheap games, so let's get into the front page of Day 3. Standard review style, two sentences, humourous caption with image maybe something snarky. Also remember, I'm in a different region, so prices may vary slightly.

Also I come from a different time.

First to start with the community chosen sale item, LA Noire. 1950's Los Angeles where you play as a cop picking up clues left by killers and rapists. Don't bother driving in the city, just enjoy the stunning graphics and having Phelps freak out any time you doubt someone.
9 running perps out of 10
Price: $7.50

Who took the last fucking teabag of Earl Grey?

Now with the Front Page titles.
Borderlands GOTY. This FPS RPG is one of those rare games that you'll find putting in several hours into despite the simple premise. Traverse the wasteland, gain XP, get psyched for the sequel and if you've got some friends, have the time of your life.
10 screaming psychos out of 10.
Price: $7.50

You will never get tired of headshotting these things...ever