AUTUMN SALE: DAY ONE – THE TWO SENTENCE REVIEW
As you may recall earlier this year, I did the Steam Sale during Summer while I was in Finland. Well, I'm home now and ready to roll out with the leaves falling and the birds rugging up for the American winter, so here are some of the highlights from Day One of the Steam Sale. All the prices cited are for Australian regions, so some prices may vary but the two-sentence reviews.
Front Page Deals
Steam's Front Page is like a present. Every time you open it, you get excited to see what's inside. Even if it's a pair of socks, you can rip those socks apart and wear them around your wrists and pretend to be a sock commander. The first game of today's Front Page is better than being a sock commander.
Classic sci-fi revisionist turn-based strategy with RPG elements could not be more awesome and worth it. Play as government scientists killing aliens who descend to the earth and want your women and something about resources and conspiracy.
9 lady loving aliens out of 10
Price: $46.89
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| Hey, where all the earth women at? |
Nothing screams nerd louder than card games. Nothing screams it even louder than playing it as a computer game – go outside.
8 “LIGHTENING BOLT'S”out of 10
Price: $4.99
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| I told you that game was made of satans, Charlie. We should have never let our boy play it. |
Don't get attached for even more than one episode or prepare to be sorely disappointed. After the massive failure of Jurassic Park, The Walking Dead seems to be a shambling, undead step in the right direction.
10 Brains out of 10
Price: $12.49
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| Alright, mom. I'll eat my damn vegetables. |
Death Lives, or something archaic and paradoxical as that. Play as not God of War and not look like Soul Reaver and not in some kind of European mythology – wait scratch that last part.
7 Ressurections out of 10
Price: $16.99
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| Larry, do you know how the zoom function works on the camera? |
Everybody wants to rule the world, but no one wants to take time to verse different factions and be annoyed by being xenophobic. Get ready for a time sucker that will probably not leave you high and dry.
8 warring factions out of 10
Price: $9.99
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| Bro, I promise you, nothing's getting through that wall. |
Not quite Minecraft and not quite Super Mario World. This highly customisable 16-bit world builder is perfect for bros who wanna make a tunnel, hang out in a treehouse or simply destroy slime.
9 smiling Notches out of 10
Price: $3.39
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| We are Goddamned Gods! |
Now sometimes, you might not have the time to buy everything at once, but Steam have made it easier for you by making certain games available for cheap for only 13 or 7 hours a piece. So here are today's daily Flash Deals.
The only thing Intrusion 2 will be intruding in on is your spare time as it washes itself slowly in a shower after a long sweaty game of football. Watch out Intrusion 2 has a knife, quick disarm him!
9 Wolf Riders out of 10
Price: $3.39
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| No, you tell ME what other games where you can ride a wolf towards a Mecha-Worm |
The film might have been incredibly mediocre, and so is the game. Wait, that's not how juxtaposition works...well, you can jump around a well-rendered New York City like in Spiderman 2 or Prototype, which ever one had the guy who could kill everyone and everything.
7 emo spider-man's out of 10
Price: $24.24
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| Not sure if good luck or bad luck... |
Like Day Z without the zombies, or ARMA 2 with more being American, Operation Flashpoint is a well-crafted co-op and single player tactical shooter. Imagine something like Modern Warfare but without being so linear and jingoistic.
9 “Roger, over and out” out of 10
Price: $13.74
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| Who put foil in the microwave? |
Rob a bank, forget about the consequences and be awesome. This is like if the Reservoir Dogs game actually did something and wasn't just lame and banned and crass.
9 “GET ON THE GROUND'S” out of 10
Price: $4.99 (Four pack for $14.99)
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| Oh man, Jimmy don't scare me like that, something bad could've happened. |
Be a Jedi or be a douche in this amazing game from the creators of Fallout 3.5: New Vegas. The game has you swishing light sabres, being awesome and understanding morality.
9 “I HAATE YOU'S” out of 10
Price: $2.49
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| Dude, don't poke me with the lightsabre. |
Wanna hang out in a silhouetted smog world for a weekend? Yeah, didn't think so, but hey, it's well-made and depressing and cool.
8 dead kids out of 10.
Price: $2.49
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| All my friends love hanging around...oh... |
And now here are some other things that are kinda worth noting.
We're in space and we don't give a fuck/We like jumping around with our buddies, coz you shit outta luck
10 MMOFPS out of 10
Price: Free...wait what?
IT'S FREE?! IT'S THIS AWESOME AND IT'S FREE. Have you lost your fucking mind gaming world? How is it free?! Fuck paying for games when I can hang out with bros and shoot people in space.
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| HOLY SHIT SPACE WHALES BRO! |
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