Monday, 9 July 2012

Why I hate Blogging

The word, blogging, coming from the Latin, bl, to put your lips together and ogging, the action of going away, has come into our regular vocabulary like a Rhinocerus who thinks he's at the wrong party. He's mingling with people and talking about how great everything is, but something isn't right. He hasn't introduced himself properly, he doesn't really know anyone there and he's probably talking too much about himself and making bad jokes. Essentially, the way to establish what something is, is to often establish what it isn't.
I swear this is not a blog...I don't know what it is.
Blogs are almost always too impersonal about being personal. They offer an insight into the fogged up window of people's mind, but then every time you try and be personal people try and make sure they've written naughty words in the condensation. Then people take it too seriously, as if each page of your blog is a continuing story of a tale not many people will read. Just imagine, if you will because the internet hasn't completely ruined you, if Twilight was a blog and then wonder if anyone would read each incrementally annoying post after another. What I'm saying is that a blog is not a book and that if I want to establish a routine of writing a weekly blog I want to get this Twilight joke out of the way to make sure people understand where I stand on it.
I'm a rebel sometimes...
But then again, maybe I don't stand on it there. Maybe, I stand over in the corner with one of those fiddly booklight's trying to read Meyer's masterpiece in secret with no pants on and a lot of craft glue. Did I say masterpiece? Did I mean it? This is more of a philosophical or literary theory problem about meaning what I say and if my opinion will change on things. For example, I didn't really enjoy the David Wain comedy, Wet Hot American Summer, the first time I saw it. I thought the characters were one dimensional, the jokes were few and far between and that some of the acting was either over the top or lame. But now I understand it as an absurdist 1980's comedy made now by some amazing comedy actors who would prove to be the next generation of comedy titans and I enjoy it thoroughly from beginning to end.
I assure you, it's funny.
In-jokes are another load of crap that should be omitted from all public blogs. I'm sure it's great to build up a running gag (see: Twilight) and go with it to the full extent, but what people need to understand is that when you make a blog for public consumption (i.e. post it on the most publicly used form of communication in history), people may not get what you mean and you may come off as a twelve year-old trying to get attention, but maybe that's what blogs are all about.
Don't worry, Chris Brown, enough people are looking already.
I hate blogging because it's a small snapshot of someone, and maybe that's the bane of most forms of communication, excluding video chat. Video chat, nude or otherwise, shows a person at their most vulnerable. That's them with the lights turned on way too bright and not prepared. Blogging is a bit like looking through a keyhole and wondering when the fat person will get out of the way to actually tell you something...or you could have just read the title and then this last line where I tell you blogging always feels rushed and impersonal to me. Twitter, on the otherhand, is, somewhat ironically, perfect for me. I think over time, over the literally thousands of tweets, you do start to get semblance of who I am, what I like and who I like. Facebook, and Twitter, you can fake, but blogging is like being a shy person in a crowded room who has something to say. Who knows, maybe someone might listen. Twitter on the other hand, is like shouting all at once, while Facebook is like shouting at your friends who also shout back.
Tumblr is a bit like this...
I don't enjoy writing blogs because I always want them to be funny, instanteous and have something to say but ultimately, people may not read it at all, or comment on it, that it was just "good" or "funnny" or "hey, why don;t u just not right anytin" or "totes unfunny" or something equally unhelpful. Comments are something I could write about entirely, so save your comments for then. But it's hard being funny on the internet when I have a lot to contend with. Funny cat videos, silly pictures and bad TV all have several million one ups on me and not many people are willing to spend five minutes to read something that might be crap.
Hey, I'm trying harder than these writers.
But I write because I like to entertain and inform and at the end of the day I hope I can at least do one of those things. Also, I want to state, I don't hate other people's blogs, just my own, but you can still follow me here or on Twitter.

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